Heaven Knows
by Sammy's Missing Shoe
Summary: "As Sam stared down into the all-consuming pit, he could hear his own screams echoing in his head; the all too vivid memories of spilled blood, broken bones, flesh peeling away, knives and blades and needles in placed they should never be-! Oh, God. Sam would give anything not to have to do this." Spoilers for all of S11, based off the promo for 11x09. Warnings inside.


**AN:** I don't care that it's gonna be an episode on Wednesday, my muse saw Lucifer and wouldn't shut up about it. She's not a very patient thing. **Warnings** : Slightly more explicit language, occasional graphic depictions of violence, and references to horrible, horrible things. It was the Cage, guys. With Satan. It's pretty canon that just about every terrible thing that could've happened down there happened. Proceed with caution. Italics are either Sam's thought, or memories. Title comes from a The Pretty Reckless song, Heaven Knows.

* * *

To some, the unknown is far more terrifying. The unpredictable outcomes, the possibility of failure, the overwhelming and ever-flowing 'what ifs' and 'maybes.' For most, that is far worse.

But for Sam Winchester, he knew exactly where he was going to end up. And it was the most damn terrified he'd ever been in his life.

Dean had protested his ass off, but the time had finally come for the meaningless debate to end.

Sam was going back to the Cage, and no angels, no demons, and not even his own big brother could stop him.

"Sammy, please." Dean had begged one last time. "You don't have to do this."

Sam had scoffed, masking his utter terror with a false coolness. "Someone has to."

"We'll find another way."

Right. Because all the other past few months of 'finding another way' had been so fruitful. Of course they had to have this argument one final time. Dean clearly hiding his panic and blatant worry for Sam with shouting and one or two unchecked tears falling down his face.

Neither one of them really wanted this. But neither of them really had a choice either.

Despite how pissed he was at both of them, Crowley had agreed to help the Winchesters out. He may have kind of wanted to kill both of them, but he wanted the Darkness stopped a hell of a lot more.

It had taken a lot of everything they knew, and a lot more of things they didn't, but they'd finally managed to gain the ability to open the door to the Cage. All that was left was to jump.

As Sam stared down into the all-consuming pit, he could hear his own screams echoing in his head; the all too vivid memories of spilled blood, broken bones, flesh peeling away, knives and blades and needles in placed they should never be-! Oh, God. Sam would give anything not to have to do this.

Their plan to get Sam back was half-assed and naive at best. To get Sam back, they'd have to rely on Lucifer. Said it was half-assed. He'd undoubtedly know the way out once the door opened, but to say it put knots in Sam's stomach would have been the understatement of the millennia.

Truth be told, Sam knew that counting on Lucifer's generosity would damn them all. It took all he had not to break down in fear.

Fear and doubt had to be forcibly shoved aside right now. If he put a single damn thought into this, he knew he'd talk himself out of it,

He'd stalled enough now. The last step was to jump, and it was all up to Sam now.

 _"God,"_ He prayed one last time as he breached the edge of the pit. _"Please don't make me do this."_

He waited for another moment.

But there was no answer. It had been wishful thinking and dread rather than actual belief that made him do it.

If God Himself wasn't stepping in to stop him, Sam knew he truly had only one choice left.

He jumped.

He didn't say goodbye, because maybe if he acted like he wasn't going to get himself killed down there, he wouldn't. Goodbyes never were easy for the Winchesters. Neither was coming up with plans that weren't suicidally self-sacrificing, but there it was.

Sam closed his eyes as he fell. He couldn't bear to look upon his surroundings plagued with the sights and sounds of agony and suffering. It was bad enough simply _thinking_ about where he was, seeing it would probably cause him to lose it.

That made it all the more shocking once his body finally crashed to the ground. It hurt, but Sam was too afraid to worry about a couple bruises.

He looked up, and there it was. The Cage.

The first time Sam went to the Cage, he didn't know what to expect. He didn't remember exactly what he thought the Pit would be like, but it certainly hadn't been an actual metal Cage. But after spending centuries in it, those cold walls became all he knew.

The door was cracked open. As much as he wanted to, Sam knew there was no turning back now, and he slowly approached the door.

Like before, he had no idea what to expect when he went inside.

Before he could think too much, Sam opened the door, and forced himself to hurry in. No time for hesitance. The door shut loudly behind him, and the room was silent... For a moment.

"Well..." The appropriately icy voice said, and Sam had to repress his shudder. "Can't say I'm surprised to see you." Sam heard a breathy laugh. "It's good to see you again, Sam"

Sam swallowed. "Lucifer." He didn't know why he said his name, but something about admitting it to himself made it feel more- real. Real was the key, here. He had to focus on what was real now. Not his memories, not his fear, but the fact that the world was in danger, desperate for a hero.

"What brings you here? Did my bunk buddy break the world again?"

Sam remained quiet.

Lucifer smiled a little, amused, but not surprised. "Guess so. What's the matter, Sammy? Did Donald Trump win the election?"

"The Darkness." Sam had clenched his fists.

Now Lucifer seemed remotely interested. "Good old Aunt Amara, huh?" He nodded. "Thought I heard her waking up. You shoulda seen Michael, Sammy. Screamed so loud that your brother popped like a balloon. Oh, look." He pointed behind Sam. "There's still a little of him leftover on the wall."

"Where is he?"

"With my brother. I'm sure they're having lots of fun together."

"I said where-"

"Is that really what you wanna ask me, Sammy? Seems like you got bigger things to worry about than your half-brother's well-being."

Sam's face twitched angrily. "You knew the Darkness' name. You know how to stop her, don't you?"

Lucifer shrugged. "Course I do. Don't mean to brag, but I was always her favourite nephew."

Heaven had one hell of a messed up family tree. "So how-"

"Stop." Lucifer cut him off. "Don't play me for a fool, Sammy. You really thought it was going to be that easy?" He shook his head, and started to creep closer to Sam. "You really thought you'd just waltz on in here, and get your question answered with no strings attached? C'mon, Sammy. You're smarter than that." He reached a hand out to touch Sam's cheek, but he jerked away.

"Don't touch me." Sam forced out, trying so damn hard not to hyperventilate.

Lucifer drew away his hand, but he cocked his head at Sam with a look of disapproval. "Really, Sammy? I thought we'd moved past the whole-" He spit the word as though it was vile. "Modesty thing. After all," Half his lip curved upwards. "I've been inside you."

Sam fought the urge to hurl at the bombardment of memories brought on by the implicitly vulgar statement.

"I know you, Sam. And you know me. You knew I'd ask for something in return. Wanna guess what it is?"

Please be wrong, please be wrong, please be wrong! "M-me?"

Lucifer laughed. "Cute, Sam. Real cute. But no."

Thank God. "So- what do you want?"

"Out."

Oh... Fuck. "N-not gonna happen."

Sighing, Lucifer nodded. "I understand." He started to turn away. "Good luck with the Darkness, Sam."

Dammit... "Wait." Sam finally said, closing his eyes again.

Lucifer paused, but he didn't turn around yet. "Yes?"

"You swear you'll help with defeating Amara?"

"C'mon, Sammy. You know I'm not a liar."

Sam couldn't help but scoff at that. "You told me once you'd never hurt me."

"That was before you betrayed me. You had to be punished. You know deserved it. You knew it a long time ago at least."

 _"Say it, Sam." Lucifer dug his nails into Sam's face, focusing meticulously on the section that was missing a chunk of flesh._

 _Sam whimpered loudly._

 _The nails pressed in harder._

 _"Say it." Lucifer repeated warningly._

 _"It-" Sam sobbed. "It's my fault!"_

 _Lucifer's hardened expression didn't waver. "And?" He tightened his grip, fingers sinking deeper into Sam's cheek muscles, the flesh squishing beneath the unrelenting and increasing pressure._

 _Salty and excessive tears ran down Sam's face, some slipping into the fresh wound, making him cry out. "A-and I deserve this."_

 _Finally, Lucifer smiled. Although Lucifer's joy was usually brought on by Sam's pain, sometimes things were just a little more bearable if Lucifer was happy._

 _"Yes." Lucifer agreed, removing his hand from Sam's face, only to plunge deep within his abdomen. "You do."_

"You were wrong." Sam told himself and Lucifer once the memory faded.

Lucifer shrugged. "Agree to disagree. C'mon, Sammy, you know you're right about this. I am your only hope."

This was far from unexpected, but it didn't make caving in any easier. "You-you're coming right back here after it's over."

The smile returned. "We'll see."

"And you stay away from Dean. And Cas."

"You're really in no position to bargain for anybody, Sammy. I'll help, and you let me do whatever it takes to stop Amara. Got it?"

Who knows? He may be saving the word from one evil just to damn it with another with this one word, but... "Yes."

Lucifer's smile got wider. That image alone had Sam's insides recoiling in fear; nothing good ever came from Lucifer smiling. "Guess our first step is getting out of here, right, bunk buddy?"

The hauntingly familiar nickname made Sam twitch. "Guess so."

"Alright. Then let me in."

What?! "I-I never agreed to that." Sam protested, pushing his back just a little closer to the wall, away from this unescapable nightmare in front of him.

"But you will if you want out of here. Gotta do a lot of navigating to find our way out, and it'll be so much easier if I have control. Just like old times, huh, Sammy?"

This-this was too damn much. With one yes, Sam would prove to himself that he was still afraid of Lucifer, submissive to Lucifer, nothing to Lucifer.

 _"Nothing more than my bitch, Sammy."_

"I-I can't do this..." Why did he sound so damn weak? Oh yeah, because he was.

"Sure you can." His wrongfully familiar hand rested on Sam's cheek, but Sam didn't have the will to pull away this time. "I believe in you, Sam. I always did."

Please. Stop smiling.

"A-as soon as we're out, you get the fuck out of my body!"

Lucifer put his free hand over his heart, feigning offense. "Not sure I appreciate the tone, but, yes. Meats-" He cleared his throat. "Body's all yours once we're done. You know I wouldn't lie. Even in here, I always told the truth."

 _"I'm going to remove your tongue now, Sam."_

 _"You can't hide from me, Sam."_

 _"This is going to hurt a lot, Sam."_

 _"This would be much easier if you relaxed, Sam."_

"I won't be piloting long, Sammy." His face turned sweet, but the words were far from that. "Cross _our_ heart."

Sam saw no point in hoping or praying for divine intervention now. If this really was God's will, damning Sam to a torture greater than any blade could cause, then so be it. Sam closed his eyes.

"I need to hear it, Sam."

Like Sam wasn't already painfully aware of that.

He swallowed, accepting the inevitable, but the pressure in his chest was unwavering. If anything, it was only increasing. No good could come from this, but what other choice was there? Maybe someday, (if he lived through this that is) he could forgive himself for what he was about to do.

Sam twitched his hands one last time, reminding himself that it was still his own damn body, no matter what happened to it.

"Yes."

Lucifer smiled.

* * *

 **AN:** This didn't even take a day to write, I wanted it that badly. And I'm allowed to end on such a crude cliffhanger because the episode is the midseason finale, so we all know that the writers are gonna end it the same way. Try and tell me I'm wrong. Okay, next story will be a lot fluffier, depending on what everyone requests for the Sam/Meg prompts. See y'all then, and until next time, carry on, my wayward sons!


End file.
